


Don't Let Go

by Regenspiegel



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Polyamorous Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regenspiegel/pseuds/Regenspiegel
Summary: Dream has problems. Of course he has, but beside his fucked mind, what is he supposed to do when all of the sudden feelings bloom inside him? Feelings he clearly wasn't supposed to have.George is helpless. He had come to term with liking his bestfriends, but how is he supposed to handle living with them now? Not that he couldn't handle being around them, but some secrets were rather kept to himself.Sapnap feels anxious. It should have just been a joke but why do these words hurt so much? Why isn't he happy with himself, and why does teasingly flirting with his friends suddenly seem a lot more risky than before?A Dreamnotnap story.// Minecraft personas //// Use of real names for them tho //// If you get triggered by bad mental health and eating disorders, please consider not reading this story. //
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 136





	1. "Scoot over buddy"

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter contains the use of a pacifier as a comfort item. If you are not comfortable with that, this is your warning so you can leave.
> 
> I want to make sure that it's clear that there's nothing sexual about it, it's simply a copying mechanism.
> 
> For everyone still here, please enjoy and consider leaving a Kudo or a comment!
> 
> \- Rain

Living with his two best friends was fun. Dream knew that at least. 

George and Sapnap had moved in about two weeks ago, the three of them now all living in one house. It wasn't stuffed or anything of that sort. The house was big enough so everyone had their privacy. 

Only downside, one bathroom, so fights for who got to go first were daily news. At least fights between him and sapnap. George chose to shower in the morning to 'start his day fresh'. 

What a maniac.

Back to the topic. Living with them was exciting and fun. It had been for two weeks now and he didnt think that I would change anytime soon. 

His room was dark. The blinds were shut and let spare to no light enlighten the mediocre big room. At one side of the room, sitting in his chair, hunged over his PC was dream. 

He had been in this position for hours now, eyes sharply fixated on the line of coding he was working on. Fingers flicked over buttons, their soft clicking being the only noise in the otherwise silent room.

The tall man had locked himself in about half a day ago to get some work done without any of the others interrupting his creative flow. 

Since their arrival, they had started to explore nearby coffeeshops, bars and all kind of those things. Dream really didnt want to take their fun away but he had work to do, a load of work that was weighting heavily onto his shoulders. 

His hands shook as he retyped a messed up line of coding, a sweet sigh slipping off his lips. A burning sensation in his eyes made him take his gaze off his screen, rubbing his eyes instead. Sudden knocking at the door made him flinch and turn his head slightly to listen for any voices coming from there.

Minutes past and the only voices he heard were muffled mumbles. The knock had probably been on the room beside his, George's room. Through the thinner walls it was hard to difference exactly where a noise was coming from. 

One thing was certain tho, they probably wouldn't hear him. When he first moved in, dream put much effort into making his room sound prove, as to not disturb anyone with his wheezing and screaming. 

He knew that he was loud when he got heated up, and he knew that most people found that rather annoying, so he simply tried to make the best out of it.

Time passed by with the bat of an eye, morning turning into lunch, turning into late afternoon. That was when the voices started again. 

It wasn't a big secret among the three that dream's mental health wasn't the most stable, it just wasn't talked about. A taboo theme you could almost say. Everybody knew but no one dared to be the first to talk about it. 

George and Sapnap knew about his ADHD, but that was about it. They knew that he could go from being overly energetic to completely drained in the span of a few minutes. Well, that was about the only thing they knew.

Dream had decided to keep most of his troubles to himself, way too scared to actually be too much. To be a burden to anyone. To force himself onto them like a leech. 

His fingers twitched at that thought and he had to lean back for a second to gather his thoughts again. A loud cracking filled the room, his back aching and screaming at the sudden position change. 

How long had it truly been? His feeling for time had slowly slipped out of his grip, leaving him to feel hopeless.

'They didnt check in on you once, did they?'

The voice was back. That small part of his brain that did nothing but turn every little situation worse. Beside anger, sadness started to quell in him. 

Slipping through every little crack like a dark liquid, overfilling him to drown inside his own emotions. It was truly pityful.

'I bet you're bothering them and they're happy that they have some time off of you.'

That was when the first real noise slipped past the blondes lips. An almost pathetic sob, let out through gritted teeth. He was pathetic in every way right now. 

The work on his shoulders didnt really make the whole situation better as well. It had gotten over his head long ago, drowning in all the work that he had put on himself in a hopeless attempt to keep his mind busy. 

At first it worked, the voices were pushed deep down, burried under all the work that had to be finished in time. It didnt work for long tho. Building up more and more, the voices came back and all the extra worked stressed him out on top.

'Hey, what if you-'

"Fucking stop!"

Another pityful sob, tears daring to spill over at this point. His hands found their way into his hair, losing them from the little ponytail he put to keep them out of his eyes. Would it be bad to just, give himself a little break? 

To lay down for ten minutes and just, stop thinking? Despite his brain yelling at him not to, the tall boy stood up from his chair, dragging his stiff body over to his comfy looking bed. With a quiet noise he simply flopped onto it, tears now running freely. 

Dream wasn't one to voice his emotions loudly. He wasn't a loud crier and neither would he talk lots about it. The only emotions he let show were anger and happiness, the ones that would be more accepted.

Dream was cuddled inside his bed, blanket not feeling heavy enough to take any of his anxiety off tho. It wasn't getting better, his breathing only starting to get shallower and faster. Shaky fingers reached out to his bedside table, grabbing for a small, black box and pulling it to himself. 

He knew what was inside, and alone that kno ledge brought a big blush to his cheeks. Ever since he was small, he loved to chew and suck on stuff, it calmed him down. Thats also a reason why he chews so much gum probably, but beside that, he knew that he had a soft oral fixation by now. 

The only other person that knew about this was his little sister, also the person who gifted the containment of the littl box to him. It had originally been a joke. Something that had gotten dream blushy and that should have been it. She probably thought that he threw it away after, but that wasn't the case.

Inside that seemingly plain boxs was a lime green pacifier. A comfort item of dream. Nothing sexual about it, simply a device to use to calm his nerves in situations where it all seemed to collapse. 

Of course he would never tell anyone, he wanted to keep his dignity after all. Dream was embarrassed but he also couldn't help to quietly slip it inside his mouth, giving it a small suck.

The releaving feeling set in almost immediately, dopamine rushing through his blood and the heavy feeling being lifted off his chest. It was pityful of him, after all he was a fully grown adult who currently had a paci between his lips.

"Dream do you want to come down dinne-... Dream?"

Pounding. Loud pounding was all around him, drowning out the noises around. Sapnap was standing inside his room, staring directly at him with a not definable gaze. Fuck. His mind was running, jumping, everything at once. 

Didnt he double check the lock before? Why didnt he check it again before laying down? This all could have not happened if he would have been more careful, this all wouldn't have-.

"Clay hey, shh.. You look like a deer caught in the headlights right now."

Nick was kneeling beside his bed by now, one hand reached out to grab dreams shaking ones. The blond felt exactly like that. A dear in the headlights, being caught by a bus. 

This all was too much on his shoulders, tears dripping down onto the bedsheets in a quiet manner. Sapnaps hand was warm and slightly ruff, giving him a little bit of stability that he craved so much.

"Scoot over buddy"


	2. "You have nudes of me?"

Dream lifted an eyebrow, not really sure what to think about the demand, but complying either way. He scooted over and only then he realized that the plastic against his lips was still there. 

Why hadn't he hid it? Sap didn't give him any time to get upset tho, getting under to cover next to him and putting an arm around the tall boy. Rough hands drew circles onto his back, while his face was slightly pressed into the crook of sap's neck.

"It's fine clay.. I am not one to judge, no reason to get embarrassed. Do you want to talk about it?"

He didnt. Dream didnt want to talk about it. All he wanted was to hide forever if possible, bathing in his own shame. 

A quiet sucking noise was audible in the otherwise quiet room, obviously coming from dream again. The caressing was calming, not as much as the item, but enough that he found the courage to look over to him. 

There was a found smile on the others lips, nothing sarcastic or mocking to be found in it.

"Its fine then, are you hungry? I made pasta."

A growl rumbled through his stomach and only now that he realize that his whole body ached for some food. He hadn't had some in a while. With a nod he confirmed the question, turning away slightly to put the item back in the box and the box away. 

It was fine. Everything was gonna turn better. The voice has ebbed off and sap's hand spread warmness through his stiff body. 

"Then let's get up, before George decides to eat all of the pasta himself."

Nick stood up from the bed, pulling Dream with him by grabbing his hand. His grib didnt ease after they were standing, he just kept the taller boy close, making sure to show the he was a good friend. It felt relieving in some way and those ways of showing affection wasn't abnormal between the three of them. 

They often cuddled or held hands around the house, Sapnap even got into a habit of kissing their forehead before going to sleep. It was a bro thing, nothing more and nothing less. 

The stairs felt cold under his bare feet as he followed the Texan down to the kitchen. His cheeks were still a bit puffy and his eyes red, but he could clearly push that onto the long coding time. 

"Dream! You have been gone all day!"

George came from the kitchen, immediately latching onto the tall one and wrapping his arms around dreams waist. Warm sparks filled his chest. It wasn't anything like sapnaps touch. 

Sap was the sun that set after a stormy night, warm and gentle, spreading and calm to the touch. 

George on the other hand was like sparking fire. Also warm to the touch, but with a thrill of danger instead of calmness. Someone that would mess up your life for the better.

The eating went along quietly, the three of them sitting around the table without saying a word. Nick never failed to make delicious food for them. Dream had only lived on cup noodles till his roommates moved in. Now he needed to get used to being offered delicious food all the time.

"I was thinking about movie night tonight. Maybe we could watch some episodes of bones? I am in a mood for that."

Sapnap was the first to break the silence between them.

"Oh sound good, count me in."

Gorge flashed a soft smile towards dream and the man couldn't help but grin back dorkily. His stress was crumbling off his shoulders when he was with them. He almost felt lightheaded.

"I am excited for some cuddle time with the dream team." 

The words simply flowed out, sounding almost cheerful. It felt good to talk again, to be around them and to get loose. Of course he knew that it wouldn't be like this forever. The voices were bound to come back but for now, for now it was fine. 

Unfortunately the boys pushed the job to do the dishes onto him as he 'didnt help preparing the meal earlier'. Doing dishes clearly wasn't his favorite duty but it was bearable as he got to the the other two already get snuggly on the couch. 

In moments like these he sometimes wished for more than friendship. He wished that he could have a nice girl with a similar character to them. They were perfect in every way after all. 

His thoughts got lost in the scrubbing of the dishes, listening to the soft chattering of his boys.

George let out soft giggles and Nick starting tickling him. It truly was something that warmed his heart. Their smile and everything, everything about them had him burning on the inside, melting at the mere touch.

"Dream, how long are you planning on scrubbing that plate? Its been 3 minutes.."

Clay came back to the dishes and quickly put the plate away, his cheeks heating up slightly. How embarrassing, they literally caught him daydreaming again.

Putting the last stuff away, the Blondie let himself flopp onto the couch, head in George's lap and legs over sap's. It was one of his favorite cuddle positions, both being able to touch sap and George at the same time. The calmness washing over him brought a cheeky smile to him.

"How was your stream today Nick? Heard you yelling earlier, you dog water?"

George snorted, knowing exactly how sapnap got knocked out over and over again by a block he didnt see coming. Dream simply joined with a long wheeze, much to the displeasure of Sap.

"Oh come on! It came out of nowhere! Tell me how I should have seen it coming"

A pout played on the others lips and he shifted to the side, putting his head on dream butt.

"I swear clay, if you fart I will leak your nudes."

"The fuck? You have nudes of me??"

Dream laughed freely and shifted slightly.

"When did you take them? Oh you naughty man! You snuck into my room at night didnt you?"

Sapnap was gulping for air, laughter shaking his whole body.

"OK wait wait! You sleep butt naked dream?"

Georges ears heated up, turning a lovely shade of crimson as he imagined dream being all hot and sexy in his bed. It truly was something out of a naughty dream and he would prefer to not think about something like that now.

"Yeah? You don't? Its hot in my room, I still need to fix the ac."

"Nah dude, us normal people sleep in boxers and a shirt."

Dream turned his head to get a glimpse of snapnap still laying on his butt.

"Oh really? I still recall on the second day that someone walked into the kitchen butt naked because he forgot that he had roommates now."

That gave the raven haired a shiver and a blush of embarrassment spread all over his cheeks. 

Sapnap had screamed like a girl that day as he realized that dream was sitting in the kitchen as well.

"Shut up clay.."

Movie night went along quiet after that. The three of them fell asleep in a cuddle pile on the couch, quiet noises of talking fading in the background. A one time to timer on the TV turned it off and complete quietness set over them. 

Only when the first sun rays tickled his cheeks, dreams eyes fluttered open again. They had shifted over night and at the moment he was nose to nose with sapnap. The blond could feel the others calm breath against his lips, this close was his face to him.

A sudden temptation popped into his brain, completely confusing him and leaving him with an embarrassed flush. 

He wanted to kiss him. 

He was feeling an urge to kiss his best friend for devils sake. Not only that, but he was about to really, go through with it. There was a moment of hesitation but then he carefully put his lips against sapnaps. 

It felt right. Fuck it felt right?! He needed more of that, he wanted more. It wasn't right to take more tho, considering that sapnap was still deeply asleep and couldn't consent. The peck had already been wrong for many reasons. So dream pulled back and touched his fingers to his own lips, soft and warm.

Carefully he peeled himself out of their grip and went upstairs, deadly set on hitting up an old friend of his. After letting some light into his room and airing it out, the boy let himself fall onto his bed, handy in hand. 

He needed clearness in this mess because till yesterday evening, he was set on being straight. Straight as line, straight as in fucking a woman.


	3. "Talk to me please"

He needed Karl. 

Karl was the man for this and after that one time he still had a favor that he would take up now. As said he called him, asking to come over as fast as possible. 

They had been friends for quite a bit now, nothing like sap and George, but close enough. The man even had a key to their house, smth he even had before the others moved in.

"Dream?" 

Karl only lived a street away so it truly wasn't unusual for him to show up this quickly.

"Why are sapnap and George napping on the couch? Don't they have beds?"

Oh, he had completely forgot about them, way too focussed on his inner conflict to care. 

"We had a movie night and they fell asleep I guess, couldn't be bothered to get to their bed."

The brown haired nodded and sat down onto the bed, looking over with a raised eyebrow.

"OK so, what do you suddenly need the favor for now? Are you in any kind of troub-"

"Kiss me."

Silence. The whole room turned silent and it wasn't the good one. Heavy air filled the whole room.

"OK.. OK excuse me what?"

Had that been too straight forward? Maybe, but on the other hand, wasn't that better than dancing around the topic for a good half an hour?

"I.. I am in fucking denial. And.. The favor. Argh.. Its just.."

Dream started to fidget in his seat, avoiding the others eyes at best.

"Slow down and roll it from the beginning please. I don't think I can follow what you're talking about.."

"I have to find out if I might be.. I dunno.. You know.. Not straight.." 

The blonde scratched his neck and Karl's jaw almost dropped to the floor. Did he just hear that right? Dream wanted to test if he might be interrested in men? The Dream? Dream that was, eh, had been as straight as a line all his life?

"And.. And you want me to kiss you to find out if you.. Like it?"

It wasn't very sure if it was a question or a statement but after all, it summed up the situation pretty well.

"Yeah. If that's not too much to ask as a favor."

Maybe he really didnt think this through. Was it weird to ask something like that?

"Good. Let's do it then."

This sentence brought dream back to reality and made him flinch. Now Karl was the one being too straight forward.

"Oh yeah, then.. Then how..?" 

He weirdly lifted his hands, really unsure if he should get closer or not, after all this was his first time. Luckily Karl was noticing how conflicted he was, getting closer towards the other.

At the time that his hand was reaching clays cheek, his heart had gotten faster. Not really because it would be so exciting, but he was rather nervous to find out If he indeed liked guys too.

"You really sure you want this?"

And before it could all get to his nerves, dream had reached out and pulled the other close by his collar. Then there was silence. Neither of them really moved, no noises, nothing.

"Clay why did yoOOOH I AM SORRY I WILL GO!"

Dream's heart stopped for a second. That had been Georges voice. George had been in his room. George had seen him kiss Karl!  
He immediately pulled away from Karl, eyes wide like dinner plates.

"Fuck fuck fuck.."

"Wasn't any good?"

The brown haired one didn't really get that George had been there at all, way too lost in this little kiss.

"Thats not.. I mean.."

No, it wasn't good. Clay wasn't disgusted by it or anything but it just wasn't like he craved to do it again anytime soon. This had been completely different from the peck on sapnaps lips. No sparks, no warmness, just Karl's slightly too wet lips.

"Sorry but.. Would you mind leaving me alone right now? I need to sort my mind kinda.."

"Sure man, call me up if you need something or have a question. I know a lot about all kinds of stuff."

The wink after that send a nervous shiver down his spine, not even wanting to imagine what this 'stuff' could be. Karl simply stood up and seconds later the door fell shut with a tiny click.

His thoughts were spinning inside his head, the upcoming headache already noticeable.

"Dude, did something happen? George just ran straight past me and out the door. I also think I saw Karl?"

Sapnap was standing in the room, hair a mess from sleeping and his shirt riled up to exposed slightly tanned skin. Did honestly no one in this god forsaken house know that you're supposed to knock before you enter someone's room? 

"I have no clue dude... And knock next time please.."

"Oh yeah, I mean ..sorry.. OK will do.. "

The blond boy just sighed, lifting his butt off the bed. This whole situation was draining his energy and it wasn't even lunch yet..

"Sapnap.. Cuddle me please.."

It wasn't a secret that dream was an affection whore, the only problem was, he barely ever voice it. He might jump him or hug him and cuddle him just to get some of this calmness back. So that little voicing of need for affection made sapnap blink stupidly in the first second, slightly perplexed.

"Ah sure man, you wanna go to the couch or-?"

The raven couldn't even finish his sentence, dream immediately hugging him tightly against himself.

"Bed.. Don't let go.."

Whenever someone was having trouble, saying the words 'don't let go' meant 'I am not feeling good but also don't want to be alone right now'. It was an unspoken promise to offer comfort to each other. Something that sapnap introduced to them because he knew it was hard for dream to voice such things.

"Nah I won't, you big baby."

Sap didn't mean that insult, he never did. No matter how often he teased dream, at the end of the day he always knew just how to make clay feel better. There had been times where the two of them simply cuddled in a dark room for hours, complete silence overtaking them.

At that thought, he couldn't stop his mind going to George. He loved cuddling with the fragile boy, the only problem was that he had no clue on how to properly comfort a person. That was more sapnaps specialty and so he also didnt say much when the two of them disappeared into dreams room for a few hours.

"Talk to me clay.. Please.."

"Can't.. It's just all a mess right now.."

_______________________________________

The next few days were dragging along painfully slow and awkward. George had made it his duty to stay as far as possible from dream, not even staying in the same room if he entered it. It got his mind going crazy.  
Dream needed George in his life the same way he needed Nick. 

Nick was the other topic bugging him. Every time George left he got a burning side gaze from Sap, clearly wanting to know what was going on.

"OK no I can't take this shit no more. Clay move your ass up to George's room and make up! It's getting frustrating how awkward you tiptoe around each other!"

Oh the man was pissed off. Maybe he really pushed it too far? A small nod was followed by Dream quietly going upstairs to George's room. The door was closed but he was certain that it wasn't locked. 

Goggle boy never locked his door. He simply disliked that if something happened he wouldn't be able to immediately leave.

Clay coughed quietly to get this anxious lump out of his throat. It was nerve wrecking being this close to George, even tho a door was separating them.

"Can I come in?"

His knuckles brushed against the wooden door, feeling terribly cold and ruff. At least he remembered to knock and set a good example for the others. 

A quiet voice came from inside, telling him that the door wasn't locked, so he might as well come in. Thats exactly what he did too, slowly pushing the door open and entering the room. 

George was seated at his desk, set up in front of him, quietly typing in a quick pace. He looked too focused to even realize who just entered his room.

"Can we talk George? I think we have to clear some things.."

This had the brunette turn around and stare at him with cold, almost empty looking eyes. How could this be George? Never before had dream felt such coldness in the others gaze. It was almost as if he committed a crime or something, when all he did was kiss Karl.

"Then talk Dream, not sure if I will listen tho. I have a lot to work on."


	4. "Your heart is racing sweetheart"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in doubt if this is a fanfic people would enjoy, even tho I have already 6 chapters prepped for upload.
> 
> So I would really appreciate some feedback on it, or even a thumbs up if I really should continue updating this.
> 
> \- Rain

That wasn't at all what he wanted to hear from one of his best friends. How did he so quickly turn into this freezing cold character?

"OK what is your problem in this George? You avoid me like the pest! What did I do to you to deserve this?"

Anger was bubbling in his gut, cooking up with all the emotions he had swallowed down over the last days. 

"My problem?!"

The boy chuckled, but it was a dangerously low one that caused dreams neck hairs to stand up. It was breathtaking in the worst possible way.

"My problem is that you whore yourself around and it's disgusting me. I mean. You fucking have Nick as your boyfriend! Why would you go around and kiss Karl? Why would you cheat on Sap, are you completely bonkers?! How-"

Was that what George thought the situation was like? How did he come to the absurd idea that sapnap was his boyfriend? 

Like yes, the thought wasn't directly disgusting to him, but he was far from ever admitting, nor telling sap or George about it.

"George that's not-"

"Shut up and listen to me. I am not done talking yet Clay!"

His eyes were dark and fixated on him, staring imaginary holes throw his chest. All Dream could do was shut up and listen to the fragile boy.

"Why are you throwing sap away like that? He is.. He is such a great person and you don't even see his worth do you? How over your head are you man? You kiss sap on the couch just to make out of with Karl not even half an hour later? Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Wouldn't notice you two being closer than we ever were. Disappearing in your room all the time and leaving me alone, did you really think I would not get that?!"

Oh no he was crying. Big angry tears ran down Georges cheeks as he was yelling at dreams face. His voice went more and more high pitched, being interrupted by hiccups from time to time. This was heart breaking to watch.

"George.. George no that is not it! That is not it at all! I am not-"

"We aren't boyfriends George, we're best friends just like you and me are."

Sapnap was suddenly standing in the doorframe, apparently he had listened in to what he was talking. This whole situation just got a whole lot more awkward then.

"Stop lying I know you two-"

"He was helping me with my fucked up mind George."

This got the brown haired boy to quiet for a time, looking over at dream with a questioning look in his face. At the same time sapnap put a hand on his shoulder, as to ease the anxiety inside him a bit.

"I have not been feeling well the last weeks or so. Hell I never was truly good but it just got worse. I tried to bury myself in work to not have a moment to even consider thinking bad things, but it all got too much. It was stressing me to the point of panic attacks and Sapnap was there for me. The times we went to my room? I was bawling my eyes out over stupid stuff because I don't know how to react to simple mistakes.."

The whole time that dream was talking, George had been quietly sitting in his chair, eyes fixated on his hands in his lap.

"I don't have a good mental health and you mentioned that you don't know how to react to people crying so I hid it from you. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable and the thing about Karl and sapnap this morning-"

If dream was already explaining his shit, he might as well come straight with his maybe not so straight action this morning.

"Huh? What happened this morning? I just came up after I heard George yell that we were apparently dating?"

Wait he didnt hear it? Clays hands were sweating and he wanted to paddle back, desperately searching for a white lie to escape the question.

"I got angry about him leaving our cuddle pile to have a chat with Karl.. I was overreacting."

Dreams head snapped to George. Did he just..? Did George just keep his secret from sapnap? The fragile boy was still sniffling and sobbing pity fully, his own emotions overrunning him like a train.

"I get it now.. I am sorry I assumed weird stuff and avoided you Clay.. I was just hurt because I thought you two kept secrets from me.."

Sapnap was the first to go over to Gogy, simply scooping the boy up into his arm. Dream noted that he must have worked out because only two weeks ago he was struggling with even lifting the boy. 

He watched sap walking over to the bed, nodding to dream to come join them on it. That was something that he clearly wouldn't miss out on, especially now.

"Don't let go.."

George sounded broken, voice ruff and heavy at the back of his throat. A silent promise as the taller boys cuddled him between them, arms wrapped around in a soft cuddle pile.

"We won't Gogy, that's a promise"

_______________________________________

Things went back to normal, well, more or less. It really depending on how you looked at the situation. 

George may have let the explanation about the kisses drop, although that didn't stop him from developing a new teasing habit.

So beside him calling Dream stupid, sweet nicknames, he had also started giving him random pecks. And the worst part was that they weren't limited on the cheek. 

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary now, if Gogy came into the room, just to give Dream or Sap a small peck on the lips.

"Gogyy.. I need to make food man.."

The smaller boy had his arms wrapped around Clays waist and his face slight burried in his back. They had been standing like this the whole time that Dream was watching the pasta cook, a good ten minutes given. 

Not that he minded it, those stupid feelings just hadn't gone away after a good two weeks now. It had even gotten worse. Currently his gut was doing flip flops inside his mediocre trained stomach.

Suddenly cold, delicate fingers made their way under his lose shirt, pushing it up to reveal tanned skin. Dreams heart made a jump inside his chest, breath stopping while these cool finger tips explored the exposed skin. 

What the hell was George doing?! 

Sure he was a tease but he never went as far as to touch dream in this.. This almost intimate feeling way.

"You're radiating so much warmth.. Its nice.. My fingers are almost frozen."

Oh yeah he could easily feel that, as they were lazily spread all over his belly by now. It was just simple affection between friends, so why was his heart pounding so heavily? Why did every touch send little sparks up his spine?

"You good? Your heart is racing, sweetheart."

Sweetheart?? Oh Dream was falling, falling hard. Maybe he really had to accept that men were attractive in their own way. 

It wasn't like in this movies were people said they simply liked both genders and moved on to put them on the same step. Nothing like that was close to what Dream felt when he was around Sap or George.

Girls were nice, he liked them. From small ones to tall ones, from chubby or bigger ladies to thin ones, for him every girl had something unique about them. 

But in the long run, there were things that could be found under all the ones he had dated so far. They all hid silky smooth hands, a warm body and they always smelled sweet. Most had hair longer than their shoulders and a rosey tint to their cheeks.

Nothing of those things compared to George or Nick in any way. They both had cold and rough hands, scratched up slightly from the hour long coding and working on their laptops. 

Nicks hands were bigger than theirs, although not as long as dreams. All three of them had different things they preferred smell wise too. 

George smelled fresh all the time, either like his minty shampoo or like the laundry parfum he loved to use when doing the wash. Mint mixed with the delicate smell of lavender was something he could get addicted to.

Then there was Nick, the fiery guy who always smelled like faded smoke and old spice. No matter how often Clay joked about him being stinky, deep down it was a smell that calmed him. 

It was a smell of being at home and at ease. Something that was steady like the sun rising after each night.

Both of them combined where driving him crazy, putting a flustered feeling into his stomach.


	5. "I did it on purpose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // Trigger warning for eating disorder or if you are sensitive to vomiting //
> 
> I also decided to post all chapters I have till now so I can't go on from a good base.
> 
> Thanks for the sweet comments btw, you guys made my night. Oh yeah, its 3:30am..
> 
> \- Rain

"Dream? Hey dream the food is going to burn you idiot!"

Sapnap forced him out of his thoughts, shoving him slightly to the side to get to the bubbling pot. Oh yeah, he was supposed to cook.

"George buddy, you mind waiting with sap over at the couch so I can not burn our lunch?"

A soft whine could be heard as the boy got off of him, fingers pulling his shirt back in place in the process.

"Stop getting all touchy like that without me or I might assume that you two are keeping secrets from me~"

The tiny pout in his voice was clearly audible and brought a good laugh to the two of them. Sap could be so attention needy from time to time, almost as bad as dream.

"Come here big boy, lemme give you a pity hug then."

George opened his arms and grinned this sweet grin of his, pearly teeth showing while his cheeks were slightly red tinted. It looked adorable and made Dreams heart flutter again. What were these boys doing to him?

The two of them continued to move to the big couch, flopping onto it in a cuddle pile. A soft sigh left the blondes lips as he turned back to the cooking, slowly stirring in the pasta he was making.

"Claaaaaayyy how long? My stomach is growling! I need food to grow and you know that!"

"Actually I am more likely to still be growing because age wise-"

"Shut up sap I need food to grow! And beside that, I think we both agree that you don't need more food."

A small wheeze slipped him, making George's cheeks heat up with a mix of anger and embarrassment. Sap just turned his head to the side and looked outside the window of the living area. 

If Dream didn't knew that Nick himself always joked about his weight too, he would almost say that he looked sad. That was probably just an imagination tho.

"Guys I'm done, you mind setting the table?"

As he brought the filled bowls over a second later, George was the only one seated at the table. Raising an eyebrow he sat the three bowls down, carefully sitting down next to the other.

"Georgie where is Sap?"

"Well he said that he forgot about something urgent and went upstairs."

The brunette simply shrugged and started to dig into his lunch, Dream although wasn't that carefree anymore. 

Sap loved his pasta, he even came late to an exam once because he wanted to get a taste before leaving. No way would he simply skip it and leave with such a lame excuse.

"You know, imma quickly bring this up to him, maybe he wants to eat it while doing his stuff."

"Oh good idea! You honestly are a good friend Dream."

Yeah he had to admit that this hurt. He didnt know why this one word stabbed his heart so much. Almost like Gogy pulled a philza.

Shaking all his thoughts away, the tall blond quickly grabbed the bowl that was for Sap and stepping up the stairs to the raven haired's room.

"Hey Nick?"

No response could be heard from the inside so Dream tested if the door was locked, which to his surprise it wasn't. On the other hand there also was no Sapnap on the inside. Where did this boy go? Didnt something urgent come up?

A quiet rumble from the bathroom inside Nick's room made his head turn. Sap's room was the only one that had a little bathroom built in. In the original sketch the room had been planned as a room for parents so the bathroom was something like an extra added thing. 

Dream never really longed for it and neither did the others, so they had simply sorted it out with a little game. In the end Sapnap got the room, leading to this point now.

The noise got him slightly worried, putting the bowl to the side to slightly try and push the handle down. It was locked. What even was he thinking? What if Sap simply needed to take a dump and he just interpreted way too much into this.?

"Dude what do you want? M on the toilet man"

His voice sounded strained and out of breath, but not that kind of exhausted when you push out your shit too hard, it was another kind. 

As someone who was very sensitive to the way voices sounded, the worry inside him only grew. He had gotten used to analyze voice patterns so he could easier tell emotions in peoples voices apart.

"Sap you simply vanished.. I am worried. You don't sound OK if I am honest.. I know this kind of voice because I heard it before. You remember the day that you moved in? You were so nervous that your stomach turned and you threw up in the hallway. Your voice now sounds exactly the same way as when you apologized after Nick.."

Clay put his forehead against the cool door, listening to Sapnap suck in some air inside. He felt like he committed a crime and Dream had caught him red handed.

"Can you come out? If you feel sick I can make you some tea and-"

"I did it on purpose."

That statement had him taken back. Not that he didnt include it in his overthinking process, but it had been very low on the possibility scale. 

Nick had done it on purpose.

"Can you come out? I don't really want to talk through the door.. If not that's fine, just know that I am here and-"

A quiet click aired and a second later warmth was spreading through his body. Sapnap was hugging him like his life depended on it, face hidden so dream wouldn't be able to judge or read any emotions from it.

"There there its OK.. Let's get you to the bed love"

In the moment the nickname seemed fit, he didn't even think about it before it slipped from his lips so easily. It felt right, it felt so right to call him that too. All he wanted was to take care of his boy, to make him feel better.

"I am sorry... Iamsorry, iamsorry, iamsorry!"

"Nick, nick hey.. Hey.. Listen to my voice. Its fine, its fine now, I promise its alright."

The smaller one sobbed quietly but his whole body was shaking beside him. 

"Sometimes all I think about is you.."

Dreams voice was slightly shaky, nervous about his singing voice being heard. Right now his own nervousness didnt matter tho. All that mattered was Sapnap and the fact that singing calmed him.

"Late nights in the middle of June.."

It didn't feel as bad after he got started with it. The boy wasn't very confident in the music he made, but it was for Nick, and that was all that counted.

"Heat waves been faking me out..   
Can't make you happier now.."

A tiny tug on his shirt had his eyes darting down, staring into big, bright blue orbs. Sadnap's eyes were beautiful, breath taking almost. Those were the most clear eyes that ever looked back at him.

"You do make me happy Clay. Fuck you make me so happy its frustrating.. Its so frustrating.."


	6. "Many nuggets, all of them."

He didnt know what to answer to this statement, it confusing his feelings even further.

"What do you mean bud?"

"No Dream.."

He chuckled slightly in the taller boys arms.

"I am too sober to have this conversation right now.. Maybe another time when I am not this.. 'Fragile'.."

The man had a point to him. Maybe it was better to push the questions onto later and focus on getting his lovely boy happy again for now.

"How about.. A round of Jackbox? Let's get Gogy and cuddle up on the couch."

"I would really like that.. Thank you Clay."

"Nothing to thank me for Sap, you always listen to me when I need someone, this is the bare minimum I can do for you. I care about you love.."

"That's the second time you called me love now. If you don't stop this I might pick it up as you flirting with me and get wrong ideas dude."

While saying, he had a soft smile on his lips, his words not really matching to what his face was showing. This brought the butterflies back in the bat of an eye.  
What was Nick hinting at now?

"Imma get cleaned up and come down then, maybe there will even be a bowl of pasta if I'm lucky"

And with a wink he went back into the bathroom, leaving dream confused and slightly flustered on his bed.

The playing was nice, it was easing his mind and cheered him up as well as the others. Without even realizing, he had missed these cuddled up moments on the couch so much. 

George also asked if it would be OK for him to stream it, and both agreed, of course with the condition of angling the camera so dream wouldn't be on it.

"Man! Dream stop coming at me!"

"Oooohh Georgie you mind explaining that further?"

A wheeze could be heard from dream as he listened to Sap tease the goggle boy. He loved listening to their bickering, constant teasing and play fighting. It made his heart flutter into another dimension. Nothing compared to the smile of his beautiful friends.

"Dream you good? Do I have smth on my face?"

"Mhm, pretty.."

The room went quiet and the chat was going bonkers over his statement to sap. Clay didnt even realize for a whole minute, until Nick's cheeks heated up like crazy. 

This wasnt the 'highschool girl shy blush', this was a full grown red face flush, spreading even up to his ears.

"I honestly feel excluded here, how rude, get a room you two!"

George tried his best to get the situation to calm down and not show how his heart was stinging on the inside. Maybe he wanted to get this reaction out of sapnap and maybe he wanted dream to look at him with those loving eyes too. Maybe it was simply too much to ask for.

"Nah, I know you don't mind pretty boy, right?"

The brunettes heart made a skip, looking over to dream, only to be met with that handsome smirk of his.

"Oh shut up dream.."

"I know you love me~"

Oh he did. He certainly did. George had come to terms with his sexuality some time ago, not really wanting to put a label on it tho. Simple situation, if he was gonna catch feelings for a person, then so be it. 

Man or woman or non, it wasnt really smth he cared that much for. So this little sentence put his hopes higher, well higher from his already very low bar.

He had also realized maybe a month or two ago that there might be more than friendly feelings towards his two best friends. It started with the way sapnaps rough voice in the morning, over call or not, send shivers straight down to his dick and back. 

Shameful to admit but dreams constant use of 'I love you' didnt really help as well. In the long run it was just making him realize that yes, he indeed loved them. 

Both for their own separate reasons but it was sure that living with just one wouldn't function for him.

This was also the problem why he wouldn't voice it to them like, ever. It would be hard enough to confess to one of his best friends, but having to explain that you loved both of them? No thank you, he really wanted to keep some of his dignity.

Beside that, George was also very sure that dream wouldn't be that interested in him and that sapnap was as straight as a stick. He just gave off that Texan straight cowboy vibe.

"Dude you still there?" 

Dream had gotten Sapnap to nudge George, as he wasn't able to do it himself due to the streaming. That got the brunette to snap of of his thinking, looking a bit lost for a moment.

"What was the question again?"

"No one asked one, you just seemed a bit spaced out, not used to our time schedule yet?"

"Oh we also cracked the two hours fourty mark!"

Dreams exclamation made George look at the screen to check it for himself and indeed, they had been on it for that long already. Maybe he should slowly end it now and maybe, with a load of luck, he could get them to drive to McDonalds with him.

"OK guys, I am exhausted so I will end the stream now, thanks for all the subs and donation I really appreciate them! Also a big thanks for sappy and dream to join me, hope y'all enjoyed it!"

With that the stream was shut down and clay didnt waste a second, after making sure everything was really off and placed himself over their laps.

"Attention. Now."

The boy literally went over two hours without any kind of physical contact, which was way too long. Snuggling his face into George's hoodie, a soft hum left his slightly parted lips.

"You missed us hm? Even tho you sat next to us all the time"

There was a quiet hum of agreement, but that was about as much as he was getting out of the blond.

"So.. How about chicken nuggets?"

George made the most severe puppy eyes that sapnap couldn't do anything else but agree the the smaller boys request.

"Well for that dream will have to get off my lap?"

It was true, dream was laying over both of them, binding them to the couch. He had literally clung himself to them, refusing to loosen his grip even in the slightest bit.

Sap reached over and softly ran his fingers through the others blond curles. They were a mess on his head but Nick sure as hell loved to touch and play with them. Another small noise escaped the others lips, leaning against the hand that was ruffling through his hair.

"Come on sleepy boy, let's get some food OK?"

With a grunt, followed by some huffed curses, dream got up and rubbed his burning eyes. The sight was truly perfect. A sleepy dream, shirt ridden up and his hair being a curly mess. It was eye candy.

"Imma get the keys and you get clay into the car. Let's go!"

Sap was as enthusiastic as always, while George simply lead a sleepy blond into the car. They huddled together on the backseat while Nick quietly hummed to the turned on radio. 

Driving with him was nice. Out of all of them, the raven was the calmest driver. Clay was always speeding and taking some risks, while George got scared and overwhelmed way too easily.

"You decided what you want?"

"Nuggets man. Just nuggets. Many nuggets. All of them."

Dream was adorable when he was sleepy, constantly searching for physical contact and affection. So there they were, sitting on a table in a corner, their food in front of them. All three had cuddled onto the bench, instead of having to decide who would have to sit alone on a chair. 

Another plus point was, that once dreams was done with his nuggets, he happily put his hands on each one of their thighs, happy about the contact.

"Touching us like that in public hm?"

It was a joke of course, but as soon as it left George's lips, the blond took his hands back, letting them lay in his own lap loosely.

"You're an idiot clay"

And as if sap and George had secretly communicated, they both took one of dreams hands in theirs, holding it carefully while finishing their food. Dream meanwhile was on cloud seven, butterflies bubbling inside his stomach and chest at the gentle touches. It also was mild anxiety that rooted next to those pleasant feelings.

'What if people saw? Will they say something? What if they yelled at them? What if fans recognized his two boys and guessed that he was dream?'

His thoughts started spinning again, echoing harshly inside his brain to the point where a quiet whine slipped his lips. This wasn't good, he didnt want them to hear that. Seconds later he could feel sapnaps breath on the skin behind his ear, him heaving leant closer.

"Clay you good? I mean we're done, if you want we can always go?"

Sometimes the boys truly were a blessing. They picked up small clues and so they sat back home on the couch not even twenty minutes later. Dream had immediately gone back to cuddling himself onto Georges lap, leaving Nick with two options. 

Either he could join the weird cuddle pile, or he could take a relaxing shower. He had a toilet and a sink in his room yes, but there wasn't a shower in there.

With dream being taken care off, the raven haired snuck upstairs and into the bathroom, peeling the clothes off his body. It hadn't been that long since his last shower, but he still was pleasantly excited as the warm water finally hit his skin. For a second or two he simply stood there, taking in the good feeling of warmth on his body.

In one corner were all of George's bottles. For most of them he didn't even know what they were used for, beside making George smell fantastic. Maybe he should give it a try too?


	7. "Shut up Clay and drop it"

George nudged his face more into dreams neck, the taller male straddling and basically draped all over his body. Not long after they laid down, dream fell into a deep sleep, seeming exhausted all of the sudden.

Sometimes he really was a mystery on his own. This man could go from being excited over the smallest things, to dropping dead weight and taking a nap almost everywhere. It was confusing to say the least, but he simply pushed it onto his ADHD. 

Right now the soft smell of wood and pine needles was the only thing fogging his mind up, putting him in some kind of trance. He had forgotten how good it felt to really hug or cuddle someone.

Not that he was that touched starved or something. Dream made sure to always cling to either of them to fill up his so called 'daily income of human affection'.  
What really made him feel this way was more shame and disgust based.

George adored cuddling, he adored cuddling and feeling the warmth of his housemates. Still, at the same time his heart was always beating in his throat, muscles clenching and on edge.

It was a secret of him that he didnt really want the others to find out. All he would get were those pitiful looks that he despised so much growing up. People he didnt even know telling him how they were sorry for what happened.

It bugged him to hear that and he never wanted to get that same reaction from his friends. So he simply kept it to himself, locked it deep down inside him and threw the key away to never be found again.

"You are so perfect, do you know that?"

The words slipped him before he could even think about them, voice filled with sadness.  
Why did he mention that? Not that it mattered much as all that came from dream was a tiny snore. The blond was deep asleep on George's chest, fingers clawed slightly in the back of the older one's shirt.

"You are not that imperfect yourself, you know?"

George almost jumped at the sudden voice right next to his ear, causing dream to whine and grumble before continuing his nap on the other.

"Oh my god sap! Never do that again!"

His voice was quiet but still closer to shouting than not, embarrassment lingering in it. Did he really hear what he said to dream? This whole situation got even more confusing as a sudden memory flashed back up.

Hold up, he was pretty sure that sap and dream kissed on the couch and now the raven was.. Lowkey flirting with him? Could one call it even flirting or was it just human decency? The heck, human emotions were so confusing..

"Pff sorry, it was just so adorable to see you two like that, couldn't keep my eyes off you"

Little butterflies filled the brunettes stomach, turning into big rocks the second their eyes met and for a second George was sure he was gonna suffocate. All the air in his Lungs was gone, leaving him holding his breath and falling deeper than Ever before.

"Are my eyes that confusing? I mean yeah.. Its not that normal but.."

Sapnap carefully put his hand close to his eyes and bit his lip. Most people made weird comments about his right eye being blue and brown at the same time, but George had never been one of them.

"Oh.. Eh no, no.. They're pretty. Really pretty... Kissable.."

George eyes had locked with saps lips the whole time the other spoke. Slightly chapped from never using ChapStick and biting but still having that beautiful red tint to them. Would his stubbles poke and rub against his cheeks if they-?

"Pff you want to kiss his eyes??"

Dream wheezed and sat up on Georges lap, still rubbing his eyes mediocre sleepy. Sapnap didnt really join in, too busy to make his way to the kitchen before his blush crept further than just his cheeks.

The blond finally got off of George's lap and stretched his tired limps, cracking echoing through the open room. Naps on his friends were some of the best things on this damn planet, leaving him warm and maybe even a bit protected.

Of course he would never admit that he, the great dream, would even want to be held and be protected. It just wasn't something that would ever leave his lips, he was very sure of that.

"Good nap?.. You drooled on my sweatshirt dream!"

His eyes snapped at the others clothes, a not that little stain very much visible on the others chest area. Oh..

"Oh.. Yeah m sorry.. Gimme it imma put it in the room for when I do laundry later."

And suddenly the whole mood shifted in the span of a mere second. Air heavy and almost suffocatingly thick around them, with George being the center of it.

If dream wouldn't know better, he would have almost said that the older one of the two looked terrified of his request.

"George?"

Dream was still holding out his hand, waiting for George to simply take the sweatshirt off and hand it to him.

"N-No no its fine! I can, I will wash it myself, no need to do it Dream."

"Nah I drooled so its only my job to clean it again, and dude, no one will mind you sitting here bare chested, believe me. Sapnap does it all the time and I never complained"

A tiny snort came from the tall man, not doing much in case of lightening the mood tho. George seemed even more tense than before, standing up from the couch and pushing dream to the side.

"I said no thank you. I am very much capable of doing my laundry on my own."

"Hey George I didnt mean to-"

"Shut up clay and drop it."

Dream froze at the tone and the words that left George's lips so easily. This wasn't anything like their normal pickering, this wasn't joking anymore, something bigger than that was happening and he was left clueless.

"George calm down, all he did was being nice and offering you something, no need to get so up about it."

Sapnap leant against the doorframe to the kitchen, obviously having listened in to their conversation just now.

"No sap dream it butting into stuff and I don't want him to. Before offering help he should fucking get his own shit together, I am sick of keeping secrets."

George started to get more and more heated, blending out more and more voices around him. All the anger that was in his stomach suddenly turned against dream, making him unable to stop the ocean of words slipping past him lips until it was too late.

"I don't like it. I shouldn't have covered up that dream fucking kissed you and then maybe-"

Eyes widened and the noise of a little gasp made him snap out of his rage to look at dream for the first time. The boy looked as terrified as he did not even minutes ago. Did he just.. Did he just..

"Dream.. You did what-"

"I did shit, why would I kiss you? Pff leave it to George to make up stories just so he himself can feel better and blame others of stuff they never did."

Something inside dream had snapped, almost like moving on autopilot he chuckled, towering over George.

"Now tell me George, why did you just lie to us."

The brunette was at a loss for words to say the least. Never before had the other acted like that, so cold, so manipulative with this foreign sparkle in his dark green eyes.

"I-.. I-..."

"George? Please say the truth because I am honestly getting confused now."

Sapnap had crossed his arms and looked back and forth between the two of them, not able to decide who was lying and who wasn't.

"I told the truth. Dream kissed you the morning after we fell asleep to that movie. You were asleep and.. I saw it."

Determined he stared back up at dream, letting him know that he would not bow down to kiss anyone's ass. He wasn't some person to be ordered and manipulated.

"Dream-"

"Shut up. Shutup!.. Fucking-"

The blond was so fast that it took the other two a few seconds to even realize what was going on. Dream snatched his car keys from their place on this table and was at the door in a few steps, slipping into his shoes as fast as possible.

"Hey- Hey dream stop wait! You can't drive like this!"

Sapnap was the first to react, running right after the other to stop him from leaving, but he wasn't fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update this story at least once a week, if not twice, depending on the work I have to get done and my exams.
> 
> I am also debating if the next chapter should show what dream is up to now, or about George's so strictly kept secret.
> 
> So if you want one of them more than the other, comment so I will know which one to focus on ^^
> 
> \- Rain


	8. "Whatever, your room then"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little TW for panic attacks and mentions of cuts.
> 
> Please be safe <3
> 
> \- Rain

"George."

The air was still heavy as sapnap turned around in the doorway, fixating the other boy like a predator it's pray.

"I said what I said and I stand-"

"And you didn't even think a second about telling me this? You didn't think I would deserve the knowledge if I had my first kiss or not?! George! It's not your or dreams place to keep this from me!"

Nick didn't seem that angry, more like heated and upset.

"Sap I.. Fuck yes it was wrong to keep this from you I see that now.. I just.. I wanted to spare dream the embarrassment but in the end I just hurt you.. This was never what I wanted, you have to believe me that.."

The Brit was standing in front of the younger one, thumb carefully wiping away a tear that had spilled over.

"It's hard to believe and trust someone after they keep secrets you know?"

"Nick I know. Hell I know how hard it is, but we are ...friends. At least I consider us.. That."

It hurt saying it that way, a burning and sour taste on the back of his throat. He didnt want to be friends, he just wanted to have sapnap close, to hold him and being able to claim those sweet lips in an innocent kiss.

George took a step back, maybe all the other needed was some alone time, maybe he needed to sort out his thoughts.

"Stay."

Saps hand shot forward, grabbing George's forearm and making named jolt with a small whine. The grib immediately loosened, those piercing eyes came back and burned their way through George.

"George. I didnt grab hard."

".. I guess I bumped into something haha... You know I can be quite clumsy"

The hell did all the air go? There wasn't a single breath left, feeling like everything was too heavy on his chest. His arm protectively pressed against his chest.

"Roll your hoodie sleeve up."

"Nah I am quiet cold so I rather not do that sap, if you want anything else imma be in my room then."

Just escape this situation. Once you're in your room you are safe, you don't have to worry about his eyes. Just a little bit faster!

In the hallway before George's room sapnap caught up with him tho, pushing the fragile boy against the nearest wall and rolling the sleeve up without another word.

Then there was Quietness.

That quietness that is like liquid. Dark and sticky, spilling into every crack, leaving you to drown in it without any way out. Suffocating on your own caused mess.

The ringing inside his ears was so loud, that sharp tone only making his head hurt more. Everything felt so surreal right now, it felt like he was standing in front of a fogged window, not really being able to look through.

'George..'

Someone was calling? 

No matter how much he tried tho, he just couldn't turn his head around to look, eyes set on that milky glass in front of him.

'George!'

Again. This time it wasn't a calling, it was a full blown yell of his name. What was going on? He just didnt get what was happening.

"Fuck George breath!"

And with a blink he was back, lungs burning as he took what might have been the biggest breath in his life. 

He was on the floor, big arms wrapped around him and his face buried in some soft material. Was that sapnaps hoodie?

"Oh thank god.. Ur breathing again..Jesus.. You scared me to death you idiot.."

Even tho George couldn't see the other, he was fairly sure that sap was crying, if not bawling his eyes out. He still didnt get what was happening, but he focused to steady his breathing, before slowly leaning back and looking up at him.

"..what?"

Damn his voice sounded raw and broken. It was groggy and breathless like he had just finished a marathon.

".. You had a panic attack George.. You fucking stopped breathing.. I.. I was so scared.."

Only now he realized that sap was shivering, his whole body shaking like a leave in the wind. Tears streamed down his face too, pooling at his chin and dropping onto the black fabric of his pants.

"Hey.. Shh.. C-..calm down OK?'

George put his hands onto the others cheeks, making him look directly at him.

"I am OK, I am fine, I am still he-.."

What was going on? 

There were sparks, flowers and the raw smell of burned wood flooded his senses. Warmness spread through his body, making it almost impossible not to think that he was currently burning alive. God this felt so right and wrong at the same time.

"I'm sorry.. I didnt think.. I was just so happy that you were still with me dude.."

The coldness returned and all he wanted was to lean back in and reclaim sapnaps lips again. To have them move against each other.

"I don't.. I mean I didnt like it.. No wait! No I mean I did dislike it!.. Fuck I didn't not dislike it?"

George's brain was mush to say the least and so him babbling nonesence was nothing abnormal.

"You.. You liked the kiss?"

"Yeah.. I mean.. Kissing the homies should be smth nice right?"

NO! Wtf was he saying there? No homie! He wanted to do that and call him his and.. Of fuck he was fucking up royally right now.

"Yeah.. I mean.. I wouldn't mind repeating that some time, after all you always give us pecks either way.."

No no no. This wasn't going the way he wanted things to go. Homiezone wasn't smth he wanted to get into. 

"Yeah.. I.. I will go and rest now if thats OK? I feel rather exhausted right now.."

George was already standing up, swaying slightly as Sap held him back by the belt loop of his jeans.

"George. Take a nap in my room. With me."

"..why? I am fine sleeping by myself."

"I don't trust you to not to stupid things the second this door shuts behind you."

Oh shit, right, he did-..

"Whatever. Your room then."

The brunette didnt have the energy to fight right now. All he wanted was a nap.

"After you wake up let's have a talk OK? Those cuts looked rather fresh."


	9. "Not a girl"

It was raining heavily as dream parked the car in the driveway and walked up the way to their house. Dark clouds filled the sky over him, in the distance faint signs of thunder and lightning.

He felt awful to say the least. For the last hours he had been sitting in the rain at a closed parking lot, overthinking everything that had slipped his lips before. Why did he react the way he did? Of course there was it again, that dark liquid that blurred his senses. Everything turned into one big mush, spilling into every crack and making him feel like he was suffocating on his own emotions.

For fucks sake, why couldn't he even deal with his emotions properly? No, he was left with nothing. Small tears were spilling down his cheeks but hey, how was anybody supposed to see this fact in the rain? Everything was just too much at the moment, feelings going nuts inside his brain.

The house was dark, not a single light was on, but what was he expecting? After his scene they clearly didnt wait or look for him. George was probably pissed off and he didnt even want to get started on sapnap. Both probably got better things to do than look for a fuck up like him.

The man's hand was shaking as he fished the keys out of his drenched pocket, unlocking the door at his fifth try or so. Inside it was quiet, way too quiet. No greeting, no giggling or even noises of a movie in the living room close by. Why did this house suddenly seem so abandoned? As if someone stripped it of any kind of feelings.

"Dream?"

His head snapped around faster than he planned and a quiet crack echoed off the hallway walls. Nick was standing at the end of the stairs, clothed in one of clay's big hoodies and with bedroom hair. Did he wake him up with his door opening attempts?

"Mhm"

More than a hum was out of his range of possibilities if he didnt want to break down in front of his childhood friend right now. Again. So Dream just hummed and stood there like some kind of furniture, unsure about how to approach this situation.

"You are dripping wet."

He knew that himself but didnt make a move to do anything about it. Nick on the other had moved from the foot of the stairs to now stand right in front of the other, looking up with worried eyes. Single tears where still dripping down onto the floor, although it also could have been his drenched blond locks.

"Come on you big baby, let's get you dry again."

And so he was pulled down the hallways by his hand and into the bathroom. Finally he started to realized just how drenched and cold he was feeling, like all life had been sucked out of him at once.

"Would you like a bath? Don't want you to get sick, sick you is even more troublesome then you are normally."

Another hum escaped his throat and he sat down at the edge of the tub with a wet sound. 

"Dream look, I don't have a problem with what you did, I just would like to be told if I had my first kiss or not."

And with that it hit Dream. Nicks first kiss. He never had it.. Did he really take it? But it wasn't more than a peck so, did that even count as a real thing? The normal pecks they do never counted either so..

"It was only a peck.. No real thing. So if you want you can go and have your first kiss, what I did doesn't count."

"I already had my first kiss."

"Sap but I just said it didnt coun-"

"I know."

Clay's head shot around once again to analyze Nicks face for any kind of clues what the fuck had happened. All he got was a small smile tho and the mans ears turning a tulip shade of red.

"..who."

Gosh did that sound strangled. Why did he even care? Maybe because he wanted to be his first but maybe also because the thought of Nick kissing some stranger turned his stomach 180 around.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

The Texan lifted an eyebrow and grinned that jerk grin that would make dream normally get butterflies inside his stomach, but right now he was dead set on finding that girl and telling her to leave his boy- best ...friend... alone.

"Yeah actually, because I told you about mine back in time so I would like to get the same treatment."

"Well see it as your punishment for what happened earlier then, because I won't tell you."

A small grunt left his throat, which quickly turned into a soft sigh as he peeled his clothes off and sunk into the warm and good smelling water.

"You want some privacy pal?"

"Don't you dare leave.."

He definitely didnt want to be left alone with his intrusive thoughts right now and sap's company made him feel better little by little.

"And you already saw all of me either way so i don't really care I guess?"

There was a not so funny story behind that tho. Let's just say that clay and too much alcohol leads to throw ups and nick was the one to take care of him back then. Changing his clothes included.

The other one stood still for a second, before smiling shyly and sitting down onto the floor next to the tub. Even tho Sapnap already saw everything, he was still blushing like a schoolgirl next to his crush.

"Imma be honest because this silence is just soffucating right now.. I hate that girl already."

Sap raised his eyebrow again and looked at dream, who stared blankly at the ceiling of the room. What was that idiot talking about now? What girl?

"What are you talking about now? What girl?"

"The one that got your first kiss."

Oh.. OH! How could he be so stupid and miss the fact that dream was still thinking he was very much a straight icon or smth like that. Which he was very much not. He never planned to put a label on smth and simply go with what feels right, no matter what gender or no gender at all.

"Not a girl."

With a small smirk he rested his cheek against the rim of the bathtub.

And with that dreams thoughts began to spiral in confusion. Not a girl? What was nick playing at now? How else would he-

"Did-.. You-.. Kissed a dude?!"

It literally blasted out of him the second his brain formed his first thought in hours. 

"Could be, maybe yes maybe no, you wouldn't know as I still don't plan on telling you."

Nick could be a real tease at times, but beside that another thought kept pushing to the front. So did he have a chance with him? If the other wasn't straight per se, could there be a sliver of hope for dream?

"Sap.. So would it be weird for me to kiss you? Like, a real kiss."

His mouth was quicker than his brain so as soon as the words left his lips, the realization hit like a truck. Fuck what the hell did he just say??

"I guess not haha, you thinking about making the peck into a real kiss now to make up for it?"

Nick was still grinning like an idiot but the blush the spread down his neck and cheeks spoke a whole nother language. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight that came through the bathroom window, gracing all the beautiful features of his face. The weather must have cleared up.

"Guess so."

No time was wasted as dream slipped a finger under the others chin to tilt it up, before leaning in an carefully putting their lips together.

And there was the heat again, like an adola burst burning through his whole body, everything felt like it was on fire. The small movements of their lips were quickly flooded with desperation, holding onto the other like they would be separated the second they let go.

Sapnap's fingers were clawed into dream's still wet locks, while named had his arms wrapped around the others torso, softly clawing at his back.

It seemed like hours passed till they pulled off each other, panting heavily, with blurry eyes and red swollen lips. The sight was just so beautiful and for a few minutes there was no other noise then them trying to catch their breath again.

"Apology accepted I think, holy fuck.."

Even sap's voice sounded raw, as if he had been streaming all day and just finished a second ago. This was more than perfect, this moment was magical, with the moonlight, the faint smell of vanilla from the bathwater and Nick's scent all around and over him.

"Yeah. Thanks for accepting then"

Oh damn he didn't sound any better himself.


End file.
